It was 2020 alright – do I have to explain why our wedding was cancelled!?
At the end of June 2020 we had to make the heartbreaking call to cancel our big September wedding due to the Covid-19 pandemic wreaking havoc on the world.
Though we were pretty devastated, we didn’t want to risk restrictions wrecking our plans come September, so we decided on making the call to opt for a small, intimate backyard celebration that would be okay no matter the restrictions.
So my two year engagement plan – the plan to have plenty of time to plan, organize and execute a beautiful wedding – became a two month stress ball to throw something together from scratch.
But, as I write this 3.5 months after the wedding, I can confidently say I have zero regrets on our decision.
This year has caused such a shift in my opinions on weddings. Yes, sometimes I get sad we didn’t get to have our big, normal fancy wedding surrounded by friends and family. But what we got means so much more to me.
A wedding is (and should!) be about the love between you and your partner – and that is what that day is supposed to be celebrating – no matter the place, guests, food, decor and all the fixings.
The Perks of Cancelling Our Big Wedding
I think the first and most obvious is the money.
Wow are weddings ever expensive. When we first got engaged in 2018, I knew it would be expensive, but until I dove into researching, wowza is it ever dannnng expensive.
I created a pretty extensive budget breakdown, we tried to be cost-effective and skimp where we could, and our big wedding was still going to cost us about $20k – Twenty. Thousand. Dollars. Um what.
As cringe worthy as that was, we saved up (& had planned a 2 year engagement for just that reason) and were full force, booking our venue and vendors for our big day set for September 2020.
Unfortunately we lost some deposit money when we were forced to cancel our wedding, but our backyard, family only wedding cost us probably only around $5k. It was a beautiful, special day, and I’m so grateful we saved that money for bigger and better things.
You realize who really cares about you.
As sad as it sounds, cancelling the big party really showed who genuinely cared about us as a couple, and who was just going to be there for the big ol’ fun party that a wedding is.
We had originally meant to invite roughly 100 people to our wedding – old friends, extended family, parents’ friends, family friends – you know how it is.
But on our actual wedding day (which consisted of 16 people by the way), we had maybe only 60%-70% of our original “guest list” actually reach out to congratulate us in some way or another.
It really showed some peoples true colors (& some in really fantastic ways!), if we truly meant something to them or not, and personally as I get older I realize quality over quantity in friendships is a million times better.
Our friendships with some have drifted apart, and others grown stronger, and in a way I’m grateful we had this to bring that to light.
Another plus side is that since we hadn’t sent out invites yet, we got away with not offending anyone who maaaybe wasn’t making the cut in the first place! 😉
More freedom to choose.
One thing that was kind of nice (& a bit overwhelming) about having a backyard wedding, was having the freedom to choose everything!
The decor, food, timeline – we didn’t have to pick from someone else’s selections or follow guidelines about what’s allowed and what isn’t.
For dinner we chose (& bought) everything ourselves to suit our tastes, and our budget. We were able to add in an appy hour, with our favorites like chicken wings and soft pretzels.
Decorations could go wherever we wanted, our timeline could be pretty relaxed and go with the flow, and we could bring in specific drinks we all liked!
Instead of getting a professional photographer for the duration of the wedding day, I opted for a “pre-wedding” photoshoot. We got some incredible wedding photos to hang in our home, saved a bunch of money going that route, and I got the mountain wedding photos I always dreamed of. Win-win-win.
My sister graciously took some photos on our wedding day to capture some memories, and I’m so grateful of that as well.
The time and money to focus on the little things.
One thing that I absolutely adored about downsizing our wedding was having the time and money to put into the little things I was skimping out on before – they were just another item on the to-do list; there wasn’t room in the budget for them; I simply didn’t think of them because I was so focused on all the “main” things.
For our small wedding, I was able to get matching t-shirts for me, the moms, my sis and my maid of honour for getting ready.
I got mine from Blissible on Etsy! Love them so much!
My original bridal party was bigger, and this simply wasn’t in the budget to begin with. I chose punny wine shirts that can totally be reused for lounging, and a Wifey one for me that I wear as a pajama shirt all the time now.
Another special change was being able to certify my father-in-law to legally marry us. At the time, gathering restrictions were fluctuating a lot, and I didn’t want to waste a number on a marriage commissioner when I’d rather have it for family.
In our province, they made it legal this year to get a temporary marriage commissioner license, so that’s what we did! It was beyond special to have my father-in-law marry us and something that would not have happened had we had the normal big wedding.
A super special touch I added (which I was going to no matter the size of our wedding!) was adding a locket to my bridal bouquet.
My mom’s partner who passed away in 2017, who was so near and dear to our hearts, was able to “walk me down the aisle” too. And that was so special to all of us.
I’m afraid that the hustle and bustle of the big wedding would have made me forget about this small touch, so I’m glad I had the time to add this in.
It was dang special.
I’m sure every single wedding day is special of course.
But something about how raw and real our tiny wedding was, how we could have actual full conversations with our parents, siblings and grandparents on our special day was just something else.
I mean, we were also married by my father-in-law, in the backyard of the house that they built as a family – I mean c’monnnn.
Over and over again our family tells us how special our wedding day was and I’ll always cherish that. Just something that felt so raw and real, having everyone pitch in to help, more time for love and less for all the things that are “supposed” to be there.
So there ya have it – the silver lining to all that was 2020.
Though making the call to cancel was quite the blow at first, I’m proud to say it was the very best decision we could have made.
Not only did we get all the wonderful perks that came with downsizing the wedding, the money we saved fast-tracked us onto the next adventure in our lives – building our new home!
Stay tuned to my Instagram for all the details on that exciting new chapter in our lives!